Love is the hardest word to say
by XenaLin
Summary: Oneshot. Includes skinnydipping, Brittany getting sick and Santana wants to confess something. Title kind of sucks but best I could come up with.


**Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of anything in this story except the plot.**

'Come on Santana, it's just a skinny dip in the pond' Brittany said.  
'It's too cold Brittany' the sleepy reply came from her bed.  
'But San ..' Brittany tried again as she slumped on the bed where her brunette friend was laying, trying to sleep.  
'No Britt' the answer came more firmly and slightly annoyed over having been disturbed in her sleep by the sometimes annoying blonde. At that mere thought she fully woke up and almost slapped her own forhead for thinking it. She loved the blonde. She made the world more interesting to her. She was even in love with the blonde, incredibly beautiful dancer. A talented dancer she was too. Those legs that went on forever, the blue eyes, the hair. She loved feeling that hair between her fingers when they slept together. But something had changed lately for her. She couldn't sleep with Brittany any longer because of the way she was feeling for her. She wanted not just to sleep with her best friend, she wanted to make love to her and that was something completely different.  
'What's wrong?' Brittany asked. She could sense something was wrong with Santana. She knew her all too well. From the slightest shift in her breathing to her body language. Something was wrong with the brunette. She wanted to know what it was so she could protect her from it. That's what she wanted to do for the brunette the rest of her life, to protect her from everything evil that had happened in her life and still could happen. If it came down to it, she'd walk through fire and ice and take a bullet for Santana. That's how much she cared for and loved her Hispanic friend.  
But friends was all that they were. They had made out and slept together alot for the past few years, but that was just for kicks and for releasing stress and pressure from their lives. It was nothing romantic about it. It was just like they were FB's. Fuck Buddies.

'Santana?' Brittany said again, this time in a softer voice than she normally used, and it even sounded like she was all there. Normally she sounded spaced out, but not this time.  
'Please Santana, talk to me.' She almost begged.  
The brunette laid on her side in her bed, facing Brittany who was laying down next to her on her own side, facing Santana. The Hispanic beauty in front of Brittany was almost too much for her to take and she had to use all her will power not to kiss her right there and then. Instead she just slowly raised her hand and gently placed on Santana's cheek, letting it stay there, while softly caressing Santana's lips with her thumb while staring at them while she was doing so. 'I've got it so bad for her' Brittany thought. 'So bad.'

Santana felt Brittany's hand on her cheek and thumb on her lips and the simple but loving gesture made her eyes slowly well up, and tears threatened to fall. She wouldn't let them.  
'I am .. ' Santana whispered but stopped herself. She wanted nothing more than to tell her blonde friend how much she was in love with her, but she couldn't. She knew Brittany liked girls, and she knew Brittany also liked her. That way. Santana had never thought she'd fall that hard for anyone, let alone another girl, but here she was. About to proclaim her undying love to the blonde dancer, but she couldn't. She just couldn't. For some strange reason.  
'What?' Brittany whispered back, her hand still on Santana's cheek.  
'I am ..' Santana tried again but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She sighed. How could this be so hard? It should be the most natural thing in the world.  
'I give in. I'll go skinny dipping with you then' she said, immediately regretting it as she felt Brittany remove her hand with a slight hurt look on her face.  
Brittany sighed as she removed her hand from Santana's face, sitting up with a disappointed look on her face. She knew Santana's feelings for her. She just wanted her to say them out loud. She was able to when she was drunk, she was able to in her sleep. Why not wide awake and sober? Brittany had no problems saying it, so why was it so hard for Santana? She knew why but still. She got frustrated sometimes with Santana.  
'Okay, let's go then' Brittany said but the earlier excitement was gone in her voice and Santana knew why it was gone.  
'I'm sorry Brittany' Santana said as she sat up. 'I really am.'  
'I know' the answer came and that sad smile that followed almost made Santana's heart stop beating, because she knew she was the reason for it to be sad. She loved otherwise seeing the blonde smile as it usually made her heart skip a beat everytime she saw it but not this time. Instead her heart ached. Ached because it was a sad smile, ached because she was the reason for it to be sad, ached that she couldn't say the six little words she wanted to say most in the world, and the other three that could make such difference to everyone depending on who you said them to.  
Santana got out of bed and reached for the Brittany's hand but Brittany was already on her way to the door and Santana sighed as she grabbed a bath towel as she was going out of the room and together the two friends were sneaking out of the house to go skinnydipping in the pond that was nearby. It was late spring so it was pretty warm outside, they wore shorts and a t-shirt and had their feet in flip-flops. Brittany's t-shirt was leaving her left shoulder bare. Santana saw it and had to fight the urge to fix it for her. Besides the shirt was designed to do that, but Santana just didn't want anyone else to see Brittany's bare skin like that.  
They reached the pond, looked around to make sure they were alone and then they stripped naked and dove into the pond. The water was freezing. As they came up for air, Brittany's mood had changed and she was now looking happier again. Santana just hoped that Brittany had forgotten what had happened earlier and just went on. Since they got to know each other, Santana knew Brittany never held a grudge long. She always seemed to be somewhat of an airhead with funny and spaced out comments. That's what Santana loved most about her, it was as if Brittany was without a care in the world. She wished more people could be like that, including herself.  
Suddenly she was snapped back to the real world again as she had wandered off in her dreams. Water was splashed into her face.  
'Brittany' she said, pretending to be mad but she couldn't be mad at Brittany and splashed water back. She couldn't help but laugh at the face Brittany made as the water hit her.  
'Britt, the water is kinda cold, maybe we should head back to bed? Besides it's pretty late anyway so ...' Santana said.  
'It's summer break Santana. I don't care it's late. But the water is kinda cold so yeah, a warm bed sounds nice right about now' Brittany replied and they both got out of the pond, and dried off with the towel Santana had brought with her. They shared it as Brittany hadn't brought any. She hadn't thought that far.  
They got dressed and headed back home and got to bed. They shared Brittany's bed. They always did when Santana slept over. It was something comfortable in doing that to them both.

Next morning they woke up pretty late. Brittany's parents were gone. They had gone to work so Brittany and Santana had the house to themselves. Though when Brittany woke up, she was shivering in her entire body, she felt slightly dizzy, more so than usual, and she was hot and cold. She coughed slightly. The way the matress moved when she coughed woke Santana up.  
'Britt are you okay?' she asked.  
'Yeah, I'm fine' she croaked and then coughed some more. Oh great.  
'You don't sound fine' Santana said as she now sat up and lifted her hand and placed it on Brittany's forhead. 'You're burning up.' She said and jumped out of bed to fetch the thermometre in Brittany's bathroom. She came back with that, a glass of water and some pills for Brittany to take to help get the fever down. She popped the thermometre in Brittany's mouth and took the time, as she got it back she looked at it and read the digital numbers.  
'Brittany you have a fever of a 101 degrees. You are staying in bed today.' Santana said.  
'I don't want to' Brittany sounded like a child.  
'Well tough, you are.'  
'But I want to spend time with you.'  
'I'm not going anywhere Brittany, at least not until your parents come home' Santana replied and gave Brittany the pills and the water.  
Brittany took them and swallowed. It hurt a little back in her throat when she swallowed. She really hoped she wouldn't get the flu.  
'You can stay even if they are home' Brittany said, now starting to sound sleepy.  
'Sleep Britt' Santana just said, smiling at the blonde in the bed.  
The blonde's features relaxed so much when she was sleeping. It was adorable to watch. Santana just wished she didn't have to get sick but that's what you get for skinnydipping in a cold pond at night. She sighed. She should've said no and stuck with it. Instead she now had a sick Brittany on her hands, and no matter how much she loved taking care of Brittany, she just wished she had said no.

Three days went by as Brittany was sick with fever and a cold. Santana didn't leave her side for a second. She wiped her forhead with a damp, cool cloth to help take the fever down. She brought her food and tried to make her eat while she was awake, and the pills to help take the fever down that sometimes was dangerously high. Brittany was in and out of consciousness. Sometimes Santana actually was afraid she wouldn't come out of it but then she did and she could breathe again.  
On the fourth day, Santana laid in bed, watching Brittany as she slept. She lifted her hand and felt Brittany's forhead. She didn't know how many times she had done that in the past few days. This time however it seemed like the fever had starting to break.  
Just then Brittany opened her eyes and Santana could see that the glazed look she had had for the past few days was starting to disappear.  
'Hi' Brittany whispered.  
'Hi' Santana whispered back and smiled.  
'Do me a favor?' Brittany asked.  
'Anything.'  
'Next time I say we go skinnydipping. Stop me.'  
Santana giggled.  
'You're on.'  
'One more thing ..'  
'Yes?'  
'Hold me?'  
'Sorry?'  
'Hold me, I want to rest in your arms.' Brittany smiled a weak smile as she drowsily blinked trying to focus on Santana's face. It was clearer now than it had been for the past few days for her, but it was still a little fussy around the edges. She was convinced that she'd get better if she was in Santana's arms.  
Santana swallowed hard and nodded. She sat up and let Brittany move so she was laying on her back between Santana's legs and had the back of her head resting on Santana's chest, she took Santana's hands and wrapped her arms around her. She then immediately started drifting off to dreamland. This was the best way to sleep and get your strength back. Definitely. She smiled on her way her dreamworld.  
Santana's eyes welled up. She loved sitting like this. It was so nice, and beautiful and felt so real. She could sit like this forever. She wanted to. She wanted to protect Brittany from everything the world threw at them. She knew she couldn't but she wanted to. She kissed the top of Brittany's head and whispered.  
'I love you Brittany' and rested her cheek lightly on the top of Brittany's head.  
It caused Brittany to wake up but she just laid there silently, wanting to hear the words that Santana couldn't say to her.

'I am in love with you. I always have been and always will be.'

Santana couldn't see it but Brittany smiled and drifted back to sleep.

**_A/N Okay I wanted to write something about my favorite (and only) Glee shipper pairing, and this is what came out. Please no flames. Constructive criticism only. I'd love to hear your opinions. This is also my very first Glee fanfic so yeah. I'm extremely rusty at writing, so pleasea bear with me lol._**


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